S'All About Subtext

Hi I'm Kris and I cry about Dean a lot.

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Jimmy Novak never expected this when he agreed to be a vessel. He knew it would be intense—something he could sacrifice in service of his Lord—but he didn’t quite think it would be like this. He had to realise that all those he prayed to actually aren’t the best of people (in fact, they’re complete dicks), he had to accept that he may never see his beloved family again (for their safety, he can’t see Claire or Amelia again), and he has to live within his own skull chained to a comet.

It’s a frustrating fate, yes, but he’s come to terms with it. Plus Castiel isn’t all that bad—especially compared to those like Zachariah and Uriel—from the bits and pieces he’s caught from him. Angels minds work differently than humans, which is expected considering his true form is an enormous beam of celestial light. But Jimmy’s been finding that Castiel is also a little more human than he lets on, or maybe he’s becoming more human. 

From what thoughts he’s been able to skim, things the angels label as strictly human tendencies show up, including emotions, ones Castiel is utterly perplexed by. Jimmy knows what they are, having experienced several throughout his life, but it’s not always that easy to flag down an angel just to say “This is sadness” or “This is remorse” or “This is love”. 

The last one is ultimately tricky for Castiel, far too puzzling for even an omnipotent being like him. He’s befriended confusion, hugging it close whenever the alien emotions loom, and Jimmy just doesn’t know what to do. He wants to do something since, he must admit, watching Castiel stare at Dean for eternities on end while repressing any ‘human’ feelings is just plain annoying. Maybe not at first, but it’s grown on him like a thorny weed.

Castiel stares at Dean again, so concentrated, so fixated, counting the freckles on the hunter’s face as he quiets the stirring emotion bubbling in his core. He’s calm, in a state of serenity that actually gives Jimmy a chance to interact with him, a rare opportunity indeed. 

“Tell him,” Jimmy whispers. He can’t waste his breath, every word important. He doesn’t know how long he’ll have before again sinking into the abyss of light to be pulled along at warp speed again; so he can’t squander his too precious time.

“What?” The angel replies, clueless and a bit shocked to hear his vessel speak. It’s been a long, long time since he’s heard Jimmy’s voice, but he recognises him nonetheless.

“If you feel that way, then tell him,” It’s so simple, really, too simple in fact. And if he really has to teach an Angel of the Lord about God’s gift of Love—the one meant to be shared with all—well then he’s probably going to march up to those Pearly Gates himself and demand those lessons be retaught in Angel School.

The angel hesitates, “…I don’t think it’s returned.”

“It is,” The way Dean’s been looking back Jimmy knows it is, “Trust me. You’ll be happier if you do.”

Again, a pause, Castiel watching Dean tell Sam something about how their living standards are just fine and that there’s nothing wrong with a little unidentified stain on the bed, and then Jimmy hears a sigh. 

Dean’s attention turns to Castiel, “You alright, buddy?” 

Castiel opens his mouth, the words teetering on the tip of his tongue, but much to Jimmy’s disappointment, they go unspoken. Instead, the angel shuts his mouth and nods, extinguishing the emotion once again. 

Jimmy slinks back into the recesses of his head, and gets swept away again.